Caring For The Dying

For people whose lives are guided by the Bible, the reality of death is acknowledged as part of the current human condition, affected by sin (Genesis 2:17; Romans 5; Hebrews 9:27). There is "a time to be born, and a time to die" (Ecclesiastes 3:2).

Unless a person has made it obvious that he wishes to be left in peace, he will need the support and comfort of family and friends. If visitors feel awkward and embarrassed in the presence of a dying person, this may make them act in an offhand or glib manner and cut short their visits -- which will increase the dying person's feeling of loneliness.

Any visitor should put the dying patient's feelings first, spend time with him and listen sympathetically. Even if the patient is unconscious, he may still be aware enough to appreciate another's presence, another's comforting touch.

Most terminally ill people, especially the old, know that they are dying without being told; and those who suspect the fact and ask questions about it usually know if they are being told the truth or not. For that reason, close relatives or friends should always answer direct questions honestly.

However, such information need not be volunteered -- if the person does not ask direct questions, it may well be that he does not want to know the truth.

Death may be frightening for the patient and his relatives. Every dying person has his own fears, and you may be able to help allay them if you know what they are. Some worries -- about the future of dependent relatives and teh family, or of 'being a nuisance' while ill -- can be discussed with the patient. But other fears -- of pain, for example -- may be best discussed first with the doctor or nurse, for false reassurance is worse than none.


People who care for the dying must have endless reserves of patience and tolerance. When terminally ill, even the bravest and normally the most agreeable of people may behave very differently. If frightened, worried about others, or in pain, it may be impossible for them to keep a brave face. Children are sometimes angry with their parents for 'allowing' them to be ill. Remember also that family, friends, nurses and doctors may be struggling with their own emotions -- they, too, deserve patience and tolerance.

In some cases, a dying person may remain buoyant enough to joke or laugh about things. Do not be inhibited about joining in -- rather, be glad that the dying person still has the capacity to experience enjoyment during what remains of life.